November 12, 2004

• parental advisory!

  
  

  A new personae: (try-out to see if it works). First poems by any new personae leaves something to be desired. Like all fiction-actors, I take time to blend into a personality. So hopefully, Charlie The Copper’s poems will improve.

  
  

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  “The Chisel Beach Body.”
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  It was at Chisel Beach Weymouth
  

  
  

  Where a child, a boy aged five
  

  
  

  Told his mummy that a man was on the beach
  

  
  

  With worms coming out of his mouth, he had smelt “yucky.”
  

  
  

  The woman contacted us straight away.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  We donned our masks and special suits
  

  
  

  And gloves too.
  

  
  

  Forensics were there in their droves
  

  
  

  As the Inspector held the boy’s excited hand.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  A murder victim on the beach!
  

  
  

  We shuddered at the thought of it,
  

  
  

  As efforts were made
  

  
  

  To keep the growing crowd at bay.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Inspector Morris grabbed the boy,
  

  
  

  And gave him to his mother,
  

  
  

  And bent over the terrible find…
  

  
  

  And started suppressing laughter!
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What the f***?
  

  
  

  We ran to the body,
  

  
  

  There was some type of worms in it,
  

  
  

  The boy was right.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  And the tailor-dummy
  

  
  

  Did smell yucky.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  We gave the boy a ride in a police car,
  

  
  

  And thanked him for his action,
  

  
  

  And I wonder to this day
  

  
  

  If the boy believes
  

  
  

  That he had found a real man.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  —
  

  
  

  Charlie The Copper
  

  
  

  
  ————————–

  
  

   

  
  

  
  

  It was a boiling hot night,
  

  
  

  I said to Maureen
  

  
  

  “I hope we don’t have to chase anyone on foot.”
  

  
  

  Fortuneswell in Portland was a quiet place,
  

  
  

  And we just drove around it bored to tears.
  

  
  

  Then we saw him, an old man in a big thick coat,
  

  
  

  He was sweating and swearing and walking funny.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Maureen said “leave him!”
  

  
  

  I was about to when he flagged us down.
  

  
  

  “Can you take me to hospital Constables?” he asked
  

  
  

  “Can you remove that coat first?” I wanted to know.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Well, to cut a long story short,
  

  
  

  (You must expect cliches, I am new to this poetry lark!)
  

  
  

  The man only had a downstairs toilet,
  

  
  

  And every night he took a hot water bottle to bed to pee into.
  

  
  

  Tonight he had got his old john thomas stuck into it
  

  
  

  And could not remove it,
  

  
  

  Thus the coat and the hospital.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Everyone laughed there to see the man’s knob
  

  
  

  Stuck inside that piece of rubber.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  You never know what to expect
  

  
  

  When you are an English copper!
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  —
  

  
  

  Charlie The Copper.
  

  
  

  —-

  
  

  Profile pic (comment section) Dorset Police badge, the home of the ficticious policeman.

  • 1:43 pm
  • 40 Comments